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About Us
I had to go, but he had to stay
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When people ask me "Why am I here? Why do we all exist?" my first reaction is always the same: "We're here for each other." Is this an ultimate truth? I don't know, but it feels right. Too sentimental? Well, the realization of this personal truth of mine does make me cry when I am reminded of it by a being who was born, in part, to come into my awareness and demonstrate courage in the face of extraordinary hardships. It makes me cry even more when I become aware of this being after my own habits, phobias, and prejudices have prevented me from true awareness while I was in this being's presence.
The other day I was at the skin doctor. I don't know if it's the ozone layer, Nutragena's T-Sal shampoo, or genetic predisposition, but in 2002 I discovered what's called an "in situ" melanoma on my forehead, the earliest stage you can find and remove them, and since then I get checked every three months. Everyone should get their skin checked by their doctor as part of their annual physical, even the places where the sun don't shine because melanoma's can grow anywhere, even if you hardly ever go in the sun. I'm legendary among my friends for not going in the sun, but the cause of melanoma's is not fully understood so whether you're a total shut in or as tanned as an old saddle, get yourself checked.
I was about to get checked but realized that I had to answer nature's call and so I hurriedly ran out of the examining room to the restroom in the waiting room. Just before I finished my determined march to the flushing sea I saw a severely retarded child with multiple physical challenges including skin problems. I also saw his serious-faced mother looking at him and then quickly looking at me looking at him. I have to say that I did not act the way I now realize that I should act next time and I am a bit ashamed of myself. I glanced at him and then his mom and though I did manage a smile for both of them, as I do when I look at anyone, I was repelled by the difficulties I saw and felt psychically and dropped my smile so fast as to give any reasonable person cause to think that I was a phony asshole as I continued my dash to relieve myself.
I was relieved physically but not emotionally but when I came out they had already gone in for treatment. One thing I am sure of is that I do not believe that I am here to give people the impression that there are phony assholes in the world. I believe that I am here to show people that other people are kind and considerate and I don't think I did that in this case.
That brave little child with an awareness that I can only guess at was here in this world with his loving, long-suffering mother to remind those of us who can function how lucky we are. Those of you who are the caregivers of children who are healthy and fairly "normal" should also pay your respects to those who are not as fortunate as you are, though many caregivers of challenged children feel quite fortunate to know their children. Those of you with children or obvious physical challenges of your own, please realize that though some people may appear to be reacting in a way that makes you uncomfortable, we're all trying our best and the best thing to do is not judge people if they don't react the way you'd like them to.
The next time I see that child or someone like him I am going to stop and smile and speak to him gently and try to make him and his mother laugh - a special gift of mine - and not make them feel like they've spoiled my view. That is the way I usually act, I'm proud to say, and having to go to the bathroom is no excuse for not acknowledging the raw courage of someone who has come into this world to bravely sacrifice the experience of many things I hold precious in order to make us all more aware on many levels. I had to go, but he had to stay in his twisted body and unfocused awareness for the rest of his life.
Of course, these people and their caregivers are experiencing their lives from their POV and mine may seem strange or condescending, though I hope not. We all have to be more tolerant and compassionate because we're all in this Life/Boat together.
The issue of birth defects is closely related to the concept of reincarnation. I used to believe in reincarnation without question but now my questions about it far outweigh my certainty. As a psychic I speak with the dead, some of them dead for centuries, so how can they be reincarnated? Come to think of it, the answer is the same answer I give in explanation for my psychic abilities - it's certainly possible but I don't know how or why it works the way it does.
I don't want to live in a multi-dimensional reality where anyone is "punished," either by a Supreme Being or by their own Higher Self, for past actions by being born with birth defects. I realize that this may, in fact, be the way reality works, but I don't like it and I don't think it is the way reality works even though so many spiritual teachers say it is. It doesn't feel right psychically. . A poor innocent baby has to suffer and make everyone around her or him suffer in sympathy?
Some may say that this is a collective agreement made before all involved were born and I say, possible, but unproven. Don't live your life thinking that justice will prevail in a future lifetime. We have to do the work necessary to make justice prevail in this lifetime. This is one of my problems with eastern religions. They seem to have been evolved in over-populated feudal societies where rocking the boat makes too many waves, if you know what I mean. Americans want everything done now, to our credit and discredit. The truth is the middle way, work hard to make and enforce laws to protect the innocent now but don't expect everything to change overnight. There's no shortage of disturbed, confused and downright mean people.
Reincarnation: Don't you think that like many organized religions it feels a bit too facile and tied up neatly like a bow on a gift? Religion is ultimately to unite us with our birthright of strength in the face of death, but it is the truth that makes you free, not fairy tales, no matter how well-intentioned they are. I don't think morality should be enforced with fear of future lifetime punishment, though it is obvious that some people are so venal, unaware, and irrational that they do need everything from religious fairy-tales to handcuffs to keep them from hurting other people.
Life may be the infinitely intricate design of a Supreme Being but we are unscientific and cowardly if we don't face the equally possible reality that life is a chemical accident. I don't need religion to live morally. I've been hurt and I don't want to see others hurt, especially by my actions. The Golden Rule works.
I was not born psychic so how did it happen? Reincarnation? My psychic abilities may be the result of past lifetimes, but they may also be the result of my writing over a dozen books and inventing over a dozen ways to improve one's intuition. I always knew that they worked and my decade of publicly proven psychic ability shows that our divination systems do work. But they could also be the result of my ability to somehow receive and interpret subtle electromagnetic phenomena that are ultimately as mundane and extra/ordinary as light and one's eyes (if you're fortunate enough to be able to see) or sound waves and one's hearing (if you're fortunate enough to be able to hear).
Sorry to digress, but I get so annoyed by so many writers whose words pour out of them as if they're going to be read by people without health challenges. It's impolite and ungrateful not to remember that there are many, many people in this world who are not "normal," whatever that is. They can't do everything that everyone else can. I think of them often because I am grateful and gratitude amplifies awareness.
Getting back to my psychic abilities, they might reveal the presence of the Divine in all things or my ability to tap into Einstein's Unified Energy Universe. One thing is certain, I enjoy feeling like the Divine dwells within all beings and it helps me get through the times when life seems meaningless to me, which are blessedly infrequent, like when we lost Amy's mother Jessie Spicer Zerner and when we lost Zane's sister, little Lacey, to a driver who didn't know enough not to speed on a street where children and animals live and play.
But how can I be so stupid and forgetful as to allow life to seem meaningless when I am so fortunate and have so many physical and psychic abilities and skills and talent and my bills are paid and have relatively good health and don't have one percent of the challenges of that child I met in the waiting room? See? That's what I'm talking about. I forgot because forgetting is part of the package of being human.
Thank you, young man and my thanks also to your mom and all those who love you. You've done me a service and I'll try my best to pass it on in this blog and in my future actions with all I meet. You've made a difference, an important difference, because I remembered the truth because of you.
We really are here for each other. Let's all rededicate ourselves to helping each other get through the day, especially the difficult ones. This world would get better very quickly if we did.
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